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Language

The Importance of a Positive Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem?

According to the American Psychological Association it is “the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept are perceived to be positive. It reflects a person’s physical self-image, view of his or her accomplishments and capabilities, and values and perceived success in living up to them, as well as the ways in which others view and respond to that person.” Not only does having a positive self-esteem mean valuing yourself but also that you value your capability to achieve. Your self-esteem is how you define yourself as a person including your personality, physical body, talents, and how other view you. Each individual focuses on different aspects for their self-esteem. 

 

Having a high self-esteem doesn’t mean that you think you are perfect. Your self-esteem can fluctuate. Having a positive self-esteem is important for your mental health. Having a positive self-esteem allows you to have coping skills that help you handle negative aspects. It also allows you to deal with stress in healthier ways. There are multiple ways to improve your self-esteem. A few examples are building positive relationships, seek support, and journal positive things in your life. Building positive relationships can help by staying positive. Seeking support such as finding a therapist to discuss strategies to help. Journaling positive things in your life can also help you focus on aspects you are happy about. These are small steps remember that we are building habits that contribute to a positive self-esteem. 

 

For continued learning, please reference the below sites:

 https://dictionary.apa.org/self-esteem

https://youtu.be/OLIFu9Xfnh4

https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/self-esteem.html

 

Written by Denisse Ochoa, BA Sociology Candidate at University of Wisconsin-Parkside, ZCenter Outreach Intern 

ZCenter aims to end sexual violence, mobilize and educate the public, and support survivors of sexual assault. Our blog addresses issues related to ending oppression and violence, since all oppression and violence are intersectional with sexual violence. All ZCenter blog posts are written by state certified staff, interns, and volunteers. For questions on authorship or content, please email info@zcenter.org.

What is Victim Blaming?

Victim blaming occurs when an individual questions a person’s experience, such as their actions and how they could have prevented sexual violence. Examples of victim blaming include “what were you wearing,” “why didn’t you say anything earlier,” or “you were sending mixed signals.” Victim blaming is implying that a person deserved what occurred to them, which is not okay. The reality of sexual violence is that it occurs because someone chose to take advantage and cause harm. Victim blaming discourages survivors to speak out about their experiences. Victim blaming allows perpetrators to get away with their actions. It is important to stand up to victim blaming comments. Show your support to survivors by stating that you believe them. You validate their experience and empower that individual. 

 

 RAINN provided important statistics highlighting sexual violence. 

  • Someone is sexually assaulted in America every 68 seconds. 
  • 1 out of 6 women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape. 
  • 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male. 
  • Those in Indigenous communities are twice as likely to experience rape/ sexual assault compared to all races. 
  • Sexual violence occurs in the military and often goes unreported. 
  • Sexual violence affects thousands of prisoners across the country. 

For more information, please see RAINN.org. 

Below I have attached a great video that provides more information and scenarios to understand victim blaming. 

 

Written by Denisse Ochoa, BA Sociology Candidate at University of Wisconsin-Parkside, ZCenter Outreach Intern 

ZCenter aims to end sexual violence, mobilize and educate the public, and support survivors of sexual assault. Our blog addresses issues related to ending oppression and violence, since all oppression and violence are intersectional with sexual violence. All ZCenter blog posts are written by state certified staff, interns, and volunteers. For questions on authorship or content, please email info@zcenter.org.

 

From Die Witch to Greenwich: How Rainbow Washing is the New Crying Witch Hunt

On June 10th, many Americans held a moment of silence for Bridget Bishop, the first person hanged for witchcraft during the Salem Witch Trials on this day in 1692. The colony’s legal system had no interest in facts, proof, or logic. Anyone accused was the next potential victim (see Schiff, 2015). Only those who refuse to take on the label of witch (aka admit guilt) were the ones killed. To this day, we still see women killed worldwide simply for the accusation of witchcraft (Suuk & Kaledzi, 2020). 

We should be a society learning from its lessons, moving forward, repairing wounds. Yet, we have a recent national leader who claimed every criticism toward him was a witch hunt. In fact, Vox reported that Trump had used the term over 120 times just up to 2018, and just in response to one investigation (Cassese, 2018). The GOP continues to use this term whenever they want to delegitimize an investigation.

We have taken one of the darkest moments of our own history and ignored the actual suffering of those who were sentenced to death for witchcraft. Witchcraft, considered a legitimate religious path today, was enough to kill someone in 1692. Crying witch hunt is a slap in the face to all who were murdered during witch hunts, a cultural appropriation that ignores the lived experiences of those who practice witchcraft worldwide. 

Here we are in 2021, watching Pride Month unfold as corporations roll out their own rainbow marketing campaign. Hickey (2019) even describes the feeling of being tricked by corporations that don’t support the LGBTQIA community but feel entitled to use rainbows during Pride Month to boost business. This pink dollar, the money spent by the LGBTQIA community, adds up to 1 trillion dollars. That’s a lot of rainbow dough.

So again, we have taken one of the most vulnerable communities in our nation and decided it’s okay to profit off of their suffering. Pride Month began as a protest, an uprising against the routine raids on gay gatherings in Greenwich Village (Walsh, 2019). The Stonewall Uprising in June of 1969 marked the beginning of Pride Month, not rainbow colored mayonnaise. 

In a time when “42% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth” (Trevor Project, 2021), we cannot ignore the appropriation. We cannot allow others to take possession of the language, imagery, and identity of those who have been oppressed. 

Zacharias Sexual Abuse Center commits to stading alongside the LGBTQIA community all twelve months of the year. We are here for support after sexual abuse. We are here for questions about sexuality and gender. We are here for parents and allies. We proudly participated in two Pride events last weekend, with a third coming up soon. We strive to be visible in the community as a source of support and services needed by vulnerable communities. So no rainbows in this post. No line of flags. Just support.

 

Written by Kristin Jones, PhD, EdM, Outreach Supervisor.

All ZCenter blog posts are written by state certified staff, interns, and volunteers. For questions on authorship or content, please email kjones@zcenter.org.

 

Sources:

Cassese, E. (2018). A Political History of the Term “Witch Hunt.” Vox. https://www.vox.com/mischiefs-of-faction/2018/10/31/18047208/trump-witch-hunt

Hickey, A. (2019). Have You Been Tricked by Rainbow Washing? Medium. https://medium.com/@audreyhickey/have-you-been-tricked-by-rainbow-washing-920b5f91377f

Schiff, S. (2015). The Witches: Salem, 1692. New York: Little, Brown and Company.

Suuk, M. & I. Kaledzi . (2020). Witch Hunts: A Global Problem in the 21st Century. Deutsche Welle. https://www.dw.com/en/witch-hunts-a-global-problem-in-the-21st-century/a-54495289

Walsh, C. (2019). Stonewall Then and Now. The Harvard Gazette. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2019/06/harvard-scholars-reflect-on-the-history-and-legacy-of-the-stonewall-riots/

The Trevor Project. (2021). National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2021/?utm_source=Master+Contacts&utm_campaign=f15c9a66b5-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2021_05_20_NationalSurvey&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_e8d7ceff05-f15c9a66b5-33647318&section=SuicideMentalHealth

 

Agridulce: The Bitter and The Sweet of (Pride) Activism

I remember the first time I saw the agridulce crayon, the bittersweet. As my kids colored in a coloring book, I paused and reflected on this odd word that combined such opposite sensations. Perhaps it was because I was reading the Spanish, looking at language as a learner. Perhaps it was just that I loved the color and wanted to connect to this new word I had learned, as I soaked in the comfort of this interesting brown-orange-red shade.

 

Linguists have found that red and brown were once the same color in many languages. In fact, red is one of the first colors that languages use; other colors come much later as the language evolves (Deutscher, 2011). There is something primeval about red-brown. Was the biblical red heifer really brown, and ancient Hebrew just did not have that word yet? Did other cultures look around them and see red soil, red cows, and red tree trunks? Or did they just not have the word brown? 

 

I ponder these types of questions because it brings me joy to think about linguistics. But language was also a struggle for me as a child, even requiring school intervention for speech therapy. It’s a bittersweet topic; it’s agridulce.  

As we enter Pride Month, I feel the same sense of agridulce, the bitter and sweet, as we think about Pride activism. ZCenter is participating in three pride events this month to celebrate the LGBTQIA community. We share in the joy of colorful decorations, music, parades that are drives during a pandemic, and youth who are taking the initiative to organize and facilitate. But we also bring with us the reality that so many youth in the LGBTQIA community are vulnerable. 

  •  1.8 million LGBTQ youth between the ages of 13 and 24 in the U.S. seriously consider suicide each year. (The Trevor Project)
  • 21% of TGQN (transgender, genderqueer, nonconforming) college students have been sexually assaulted, compared to 18% of non-TGQN females, and 4% of non-TGQN males.(RAINN)
  • The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects (NCAVP) estimates that nearly one in ten LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) has experienced sexual assault from those partners. Studies suggest that around half of transgender people and bisexual women will experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetimes. (HRC)

 

As we hold up our rainbow flags, sing along to the parade playlist, and post our allyship memes, may we carry this feeling of agridulce as inspiration. We have so much to celebrate, so much joy to embrace. We have visions of equity, dreams of diversity. May that be what we are fighting to preserve.

 

Sources:

 

Deutscher, G. (2011). Through the Looking Glass: Why the World Looks Different in Different Languages. Picador.

HRC: The Human Rights Campaign 

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) Statistics

The Trevor Project National Estimate of LGBTQ Youth Seriously Considering Suicide

 

Written by Kristin Jones, PhD, EdM, Outreach Supervisor.

All ZCenter blog posts are written by state certified staff, interns, and volunteers. For questions on authorship or content, please email kjones@zcenter.org.

Sex Positive Language

A rape crisis center focuses primarily on supporting survivors of sexual assault, but we also strive to further systemic change around sexual violence through prevention and education. What does a culture without sexual violence look like? It values consensual sex; it honors the joy and pleasure that humans find in their sexuality. As we work to end sexual violence in our culture, part of that work is to promote sex positive narratives. For the month of May, the ZCenter blog is looking at sex positive culture and our role in it. We start here by exploring language (American English) and how language and sexuality shape each other. 

Language is constantly changing; it evolves with the living community. Just within the last week, an Alabama bill was signed that removes anti-gay language from sex education. We know that language changes as our understanding of sexuality becomes more complex and we also know that our choices in language help to shape the changes that we want to see in society. We offer a brief overview of sexuality and language by looking into semantics, morphology, and discourse analysis.

Semantics

 

“‘Vagina’ is itself an insult. In Latin the word means ‘scabbard’, that is, ‘sword sheath’” (Greer, 2020, p.2); a female’s sexual anatomy is defined only by what a man can store there. A puritanical view of sex has been built into our language, ingrained into our very vocabulary. Our own bodies are turned against us as insults. “By refusing to use words like slut and pussy as terms of abuse, you’re rejecting the imbalanced standards that have been set for women’s sexuality and men’s machismo. It’s a form of protest against the condemnation of women’s sexual independence and men’s refusal to act like chauvinist bruisers” (Montell, 2020, p.48). Montell adds other terms that are too often used as abuse: bitch, old maid, spinster, queer, dyke, nasty woman, cunt, and ho. Some folks are reclaiming these words, as a way to reject old standards of femininity (p.39). Do we want to reclaim all of these insults? Do we want slut, a word that punishes women for enjoying sex, to be used at all? Modern women grapple with this issue and still find no clear answer.

We need to recognize that intermingling gendered and sexual language into verbal abuse is a harm the cuts deeply: “(H)aving someone accuse you of doing your gender badly often feels like the worst insult of all, because it tells you that you’ve failed at a fundamental part of who you are” (p. 38). Also, as children grow up and hear sexual terms used as insults, it automatically places sexuality into a negative light, particularly women’s sexuality. When we see that a man being called a women’s sexuality term (pussy, e.g.) as one of the lowest insults in the culture, we know something is wrong. It’s time to intervene when we hear our own body parts used as insults.

Cursing is too often a contributing factor in a sex negative culture. In fact it is one of three categories of cursing: sex, scatology, and religion. Cursing in the sex category includes terms like fuck, dick, and cunt (Montell, 2020, p. 196). Any sexual act or descriptor can become a curse word in the right context. Once again, we relegate sexual acts to that which is insulting and/or intending to cause harm. However, Montell reminds us that “you can curse without insulting” (p.196). Is there a difference between Fuck the patriarchy and Uhg, the fucking patriarchy? In a world where we want to end sexual violence, we need to be more conscious of our word choice, particularly of how our language perpetuates a rape culture. But we also want to be sex positive and affirm healthy, consensual sex in our language. Similarly, with the word gay, we as a culture are moving away from using the word as an insult and honoring the word as a self-identifier that promotes a healthy sexual identity. Gone are the days when Michael Scott can get away with calling coworkers gay as an insult.

Morphology

 

Morphology is the study of parts of words, including how affixes, conjugations, and other word parts function. For example, a linguist notices that angriness is a misuse of morphemes; we already have a noun, anger, that expresses the same meaning. Adding -ness to angry is unnecessary. 

We can be conscious of how morphemes help or hinder a sex positive culture. We know that suffixes -ette and -ess distinguish words to describe women, and usually in a way that delineated an insult or an assumption that this new word is less than the original. Suffragette was first coined as a way to delegitimize female suffragists; similarly, actress, waitress, and stewardess all refer to women only, distinguishing them from the norm (Eckert & McConnell-Ginet, 2013, pp. 85-86). We have a flood of terminology emerging, words that take away the male normalization: waitstaff/server, actors, folks, service worker, postal worker, flight attendant, etc.

We can also be more conscious of the suffix –y. Crazy, slutty, dirty, and bitchy are all terms that anyone can use to insult a woman, specifically if she shows an interest in sexual pleasure and/or assertiveness. Do we use these words often? Do we intervene when we hear them? Do we talk within our social circles about how or if we want to reclaim these terms?

 

Discourse Analysis

 

Analyzing larger chunks of language and how we make choices about language is discourse analysis. Sexuality is discursively constructed, meaning our sexual identity is closely tied to the language we use. In fact, one’s ideology can support feminist values but their discourse might reveal more traditional roles (Kendall & Tannen, 2018). 

What are some ways that discourse analysis helps us recognize more sex positive language?

1.Politeness. We don’t talk about sex in polite company, not even with our children. Also, the “kinds of ‘politeness’ used by and of and to women do not arise by accident; that they are, indeed, stifling, exclusive, and oppressive” (Lakoff, 2004, p. 102). In the workplace, women often “assume a warm manner; use humor, and allow themselves to be the objects of humor; and otherwise attend to the face needs of subordinates by using ‘mitigated commands, forms of politeness, and indirect engagement’” (Kendall & Tannen, 2018, p. 652). Sex positive language means that we stop valuing politeness above justice and equity. Our children deserve to learn about sex properly and our society deserves to talk openly about something we all do.

2. Euphemisms. We use euphemisms to talk about sex positively, because our society still does not accept overt talk of sex in polite conversation. We can say hooking up, Netflix and chill, or gettin’ some; but to openly discuss our happiness about our own sex lives is still considered taboo. Even on one of television’s most openly sexual series, Sex and the City, Charlotte still preferred See You Next Tuesday to cunt (IMDB, 2021).

3. Hedging. We soften our language with phrases like “kind of, sort of, maybe, I think and others” (Parker & Mahlstedt, 2010, p. 144). “I kind of feel horny” communicates that the speaker’s sexuality is not very important. In a sex positive culture, we would openly and directly communicate our needs and desires, because they matter.

4. Normalizing Heterosexuality. “The purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the purpose of a woman is to love a man” (Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders, 1965). The lyrics to the song The Game of Love illustrate just how pervasive the heterosexual norm was many years ago. Has the narrative changed since 1965? We certainly see more representation of the LGBTQIA community in pop culture, but we also have the same normalization of heterosexuality in our language. Consider the following interactions that are commonplace:

A: “My junior bought their prom outfit.”

B: “Oh, tell me all about her dress! Which boy asked her?” 

In this example, we see speaker B immediately jump into heteronormative assumptions about clothing, dating, and pronoun usage, and this is a very typical interaction among many parents. 

A: “My boss invited us to a company lunch this weekend.”

B: “Oh, and is his wife the hostess? I wonder if she is catering or cooking it all herself?”

Again, we see speaker B slip into heteronormative language with assumptions about the gender of a boss, their spouse being a woman, and the woman’s significant contribution being a domestic task.

As we go about our day-to-day lives, we can be more conscious of how we use language to either support the heteronormative language around us, or to support the sexuality and identity of all.

5. Online language. In terms of language used online, men use more crude language, including insults, profanity, and adversarial stances toward others (Kendall & Tannen, 2018, p. 652-3). We know that cyber aggression enforces social norms and also establishes social hierarchies (Felmlee et al, 2020). Women are insulted and harassed online if they ever step outside of the social norm for female behavior; women are told to be submissive, quiet, polite, and caring. When we assert ourselves, even worse, our sexuality, we are harassed and bullied (See more at Felmlee et al, 2020).  But we can create safe online spaces and we can be active bystanders who intervene when we see this language behavior online. 

 

Societal Change

 

Can changing our language change societal norms? This was a question Robin Tolmach Lakoff asked in 1975. She found that word choice, tone, politeness, even cursing are approached differently by men and women (Lakoff, 2004). As we look into next steps for sex positive language, let’s keep these thoughts in mind:

  • Use your words. “If there’s no name for it, it’s as if the phenomenon does not exist” (Parker & Mahlstedt, 2010, p. 142). Just as we have added terms like date rape, acquaintance rape, and affirmative consent to our lexicon, we can add more ways to describe sex in a positive light. We can continue to move toward a more sex positive discourse with terms like consent, kink, and body acceptance.
  • Keep the euphemisms flourishing. We need to start with small steps toward positive sex talk, even if it’s just Netflix and chill. In situations where it feels inappropriate to use overt sexual language, let’s at least keep the euphemisms alive!
  • Stop hedging. Stop being polite. Let’s be direct in our communication when it comes to our own sexuality. Let’s not be afraid to assert our needs and desires.
  • Family talk when children are young is how we are socialized into how we view sex (Kiesling, 2019, p.115). Check back in next week as explore this topic of parent and caregiver language on the topic of sex positivity.

 

References

Eckert, P. & S. McConnell-Ginet. (2013). Language and Gender, Second Edition. Cambridge University Press.

Felmlee,D., P.I. Rodis, & A. Zhang. (2020). Sexist Slurs: Reinforcing Feminine Sterotypes Online. Sex Roles. 83:16–28 https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s11199-019-01095-z.pdf

Greer, G. (2020). On Rape. Hachette Australia.

Internet Movie Database (IMDB). (2021). Sex and the City Quotes. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0159206/quotes/?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu

Kendall, S. & D. Tannen. (2018). Discourse and Gender, in The Handbook of Discourse Analysis, 2nd Ed. (Ed. D. Tannen, H. Hamilton, D. Schiffrin). Willey Blackwell.

Kiesling, S.F. (2019). Language, Gender, and Sexuality: An Introduction. Routledge. 

Lakoff, R.T. (2004). Language and Woman’s Place: Text and Commentaires, Revised and Expanded Edition. Mary Bucholtz (Ed.). Oxford University Press.

Montell, A. (2020). Wordslut: A feminist guide to taking back the English language. Harper Wave.

Parker, J.A. & D. Mahlstedt. (2010).Language, Power, ane Sexual Assault: Women’s Voices on Rape and Social Change. Language in the real world. Behrens, S. J., & Parker, J. A. (Eds.). Routledge. 139-163.

Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders. (1965). The Game of Love. https://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/wayne_fontana_and_the_mindbenders/game_of_love.html (accessed 2021).

Written by Kristin D. Jones, Ph.D., Ed.M., Outreach Supervisor

All ZCenter blog posts are written by state certified staff, interns, and volunteers. For questions on authorship or content, please email kjones@zcenter.org.

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